Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I love The Room, I'm tired as hell

Writing about The Room really is one of my favorite things to do.  I could do it all day and Tommy Wiseau simply gives me endless amounts of content to write about with just a single film.

Still, I am exhausted.

Currently, I write for three blogs and I give at least 20,000 words of myself to the world for free on a weekly basis.  Because those websites have readers, and I do not (But I appreciate so much those of you share my appreciation of The Room and my little snippets of internet space that I take up on my musings) then I have to prioritize this site last.  My own little baby of a beautiful blog, it is neglected and sometimes ignored.  Not unlike breast cancer!

I will not give up though!  I will fight on!  And I'll keep updating this site as regularly as I can.  I've already nearly given up on my tumbler account because thats FIFTH AND SIXTH priority! 

If you want to follow me there are several ways to do so in the meantime:
on twitter @casetines
If you like witty fantasy sports talk, read my onion-style football stuff on
If you happen to be a Seahawks fan, or you want to read about a football team in a fashion that is almost entirely unlike any other team blog, go to
I write on both of those sites under the name Kenneth Arthur
Trust me, I think you'll like it.  Maybe.  I hope!
Finally, I just started contributing to a dating/lifecasting blog thats wildly popular called
I think my next post there is going up tomorrow.
Check me out and keep reading and keep checking in here!
My almost defunct tumblr accounts are and
Both film related, but with a twist.


Wednesday, October 12, 2011

"In a Minute, Bitch."

Juliette Danielle, aka Lisa, once said in an interview that the hardest scene for her to get through was when Tommy was on the other side of the bathroom door and said "In a minute, bitch."

This was not hard for her to get through as you might assume it's hard for Danielle Day Lewis to get through a scene in My Left Foot, though there are many parrallels between The Room and My Left Foot and the quality of acting that a DDL brings to the table.

No, it was hard for her to get through because she needed to hold back the laughter.  Now, a request:

Dear God,

Whether you be Jesus or Buddha (wait, not a God right?) or the Indian Octo-God, please bring me the full Blooper Reel from the set of The Room for Christmas.  Don't miss a single cut.  I don't care if it's eighteen hours long and I imagine that it is.  I'm totally free this weekend.  Don't screw me on this like you did last Christmas when I was hella good and you didn't bring me photos of Andre the Giant taking a dump.  I mean, come on, you have to imagine that those dumps were so big that Jeff Goldblum would walk by and say "That's a lot of shit."

Don't screw me this year Santa.  Wait, who is this letter to?  I want to see the hijinx that went on during filming of The Room. 

I want to see the entire filming of the Chris-R scene, unedited.
I want to see the final score of the alley football game.
I want to unsee Tommy Wiseau's butt, so can you include some hypnotism footage that will erase that moment from my memory?

I know I've already scene one blooper scene because it was put into the movie.  The "Hi Doggy" scene which was clearly only a one-take scene, but a magical one.  Flesh that shit out to a full two-hour movie like that other Anchorman that they did. 

I haven't gotten enough of The Room, so please bring me more Ghandi.


PS - No seriously, LOVE ME!

I think that should work.  I will share with you when I'm done, but if you come too soon to see my special footage, when you knock on the door the response from me will only be,
"In a minute, bitch."

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Lisa's Not Listening To You

No, it's not the title of my Death Cab for Cutie cover band.  Simply an observation that Lisa doesn't listen to a damn word that anybody says.  Ever. 

Maybe there's something deeper in that.  Maybe its a characterization of Lisa as a person who does what she wants and won't listen to anybody else's opinion because "I'm going to do what I want and that's it."

Of course she follows that line up with "What do you think I should do." 

But think about it. 

She's not listening when Mark tells her "NO!" over and over again as she tries to seduce him on the chair in front of the door.

She's not listening when her mother tells her that she has breast cancer.

She's not listening when Johnny tells her that he didn't get the promotion:
"Did you get the promotion?"
"You didn't get it, did you?" 

God damn it Lisa.  Listen up won't you?  You're seriously tearing me apart. 

Monday, September 19, 2011

Tommy Wiseau to Star in Web-series That Reviews Video Games

I consider this to be one of those ideas that seems amazing on the surface but will ultimately be a disappointment. 

According to what I read in this article from The AV Club, Wiseau will basically play video games and tell you what he thinks about them.  And why should I start doubting the AV Club now?  Or fact.  It seems like its fact. What with a trailer and all.

But The AV Club also gave me doubts because of their mention of the other thing that Tommy Wiseau did that is apparently stupid.  Basically, if you gave Tommy Wiseau a camera and a task, I think it would be very enjoyable to watch.  Give Wiseau the power to be himself and let the magic happen organically.  This sounds like it has writing and direction and that's disappointing unless the writing and direction is coming from Wiseau himself.

Anything with Wiseau is worth giving a shot.  The idea of him playing Resident Evil and trying to understand how to do that and what it means when "My character is no moving.  Why am I no alive anymore?" is amazing.  Then again, what if he's like that kid from The Wizard starring Fred Savage and he's an autistic video game genius?  I think this is just as likely and twice as exciting.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Is Creature Going to be the Next "The Room"?

You can't intentionally make a good bad movie.  You just can't do it.  And I don't challenge you to do it.  Those who attempt to make schlock end up with just that: schlock. 

We don't want your pathetic attempt to be pathetic.  We want a pathetic attempt in which you gave it 100%.  Tommy Wiseau gave his everything to The Room with the belief that he was making a modern classic.  James Nguyen made Birdemic and took it to Sundance or Cannes or some festival like that believing that he would get recognized as an up-and-coming Alfred Hitchcock. 

There are films that attempt to be B-Movies and I like those just fine.  The Grindhouse double-feature attempted to be low-budget and look low budget and it worked because it was funny and two amazing directors poked fun at a wonderful niche genre but they are master directors.  Tommy Wiseau is not, but its his own personal belief in himself that made him a master at being terrible. 

On the other side of the coin is movies like Piranha 3D, My Bloody Valentine 3D, and Shark Night 3D.  Movies that don't pretend to be anything more than they are: Gratuitious blood, sex, and nudity and not anything groundbreaking.  So they are fun movies to watch with or without 3D. 

So in this review of Creature I have to ask myself: Is this a low-budget movie that doesn't care about being anything special and just fails?  Is it boring or is it loaded with unintentional laughs?  I don't think the makers of Troll 2 had any idea that what they were making their actors say was utterly ridiculous and would make an audiences jaw drop like "What?"  Wiseau had no idea what he was doing when he told Lisa to say "What kind of money?"  It just happens.

Will Creature be anything like that?  Is the director (hopefully) that incompetent?  In my life I have only seen 3 bad movies that can truly say they live up to The Room: Tommy Wiseau's masterpiece, Birdemic, and Troll 2.  Nothing else has ever quite been THAT bad and THAT good at the same time.  Others have been suggested but mostly failed to be anything more than sad and forgettable.  Creature looked more like Adam Green's Hatchet to me, a movie I actually like, but now I'm much more interested in seeing Creature to find out what category it really falls into. 

I'm officially giddy.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Huffington Post Waits 8 Years to Write Article on The Room

I know that there are polarizing opinions on the Huffington Post.  For me, it's just fine.  I am not an avid news reader or news watcher and I like to stay free of politics.  So, I won't go there.  What's more important to me than political news is news on The Room.  When can we finally get a 24-hour news channel for Tommy and friends?  A las, we must wait.

Just like we had to wait 8 years for the Huffington Post to write nearly the exact same article I've read at least twenty times so far.  I understand that The Room is still an "underground, cult classic" that many people still haven't heard of.  Allow me to step outside my own brain for a moment and try to get a grasp on the fact that the majority of America is still in the dark about this movie.  But if I'm also allowed to be cynical for a moment; we get it. 

Here's the link

A lot of people go to the midnight screenings.  They throw plastic forks.  There's an only-once-mentioned-moment of breast cancer.  They toss a football four feet from each other.

Holy shit, did I just sabotage my own blog?  Uhhh... ignore everything I just said!  (What do you mean I can just delete that and not post it?  Does not compute.  Internet thoughts must go on.)

Anyways, what this article does have is an interview with Tommy Wiseau.  So please, read it so that you can see that even Tommy is getting sick of this process:

What do you think about the crowd's reaction?

I like everything. Express yourself, don't hurt yourself. Move on next question.

And new gems like this:
"we all experience experiences with people."

We certainly do Tommy.  We certain certainly do.