Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I love The Room, I'm tired as hell

Writing about The Room really is one of my favorite things to do.  I could do it all day and Tommy Wiseau simply gives me endless amounts of content to write about with just a single film.

Still, I am exhausted.

Currently, I write for three blogs and I give at least 20,000 words of myself to the world for free on a weekly basis.  Because those websites have readers, and I do not (But I appreciate so much those of you share my appreciation of The Room and my little snippets of internet space that I take up on my musings) then I have to prioritize this site last.  My own little baby of a beautiful blog, it is neglected and sometimes ignored.  Not unlike breast cancer!

I will not give up though!  I will fight on!  And I'll keep updating this site as regularly as I can.  I've already nearly given up on my tumbler account because thats FIFTH AND SIXTH priority! 

If you want to follow me there are several ways to do so in the meantime:
on twitter @casetines
If you like witty fantasy sports talk, read my onion-style football stuff on
If you happen to be a Seahawks fan, or you want to read about a football team in a fashion that is almost entirely unlike any other team blog, go to
I write on both of those sites under the name Kenneth Arthur
Trust me, I think you'll like it.  Maybe.  I hope!
Finally, I just started contributing to a dating/lifecasting blog thats wildly popular called
I think my next post there is going up tomorrow.
Check me out and keep reading and keep checking in here!
My almost defunct tumblr accounts are and
Both film related, but with a twist.


Wednesday, October 12, 2011

"In a Minute, Bitch."

Juliette Danielle, aka Lisa, once said in an interview that the hardest scene for her to get through was when Tommy was on the other side of the bathroom door and said "In a minute, bitch."

This was not hard for her to get through as you might assume it's hard for Danielle Day Lewis to get through a scene in My Left Foot, though there are many parrallels between The Room and My Left Foot and the quality of acting that a DDL brings to the table.

No, it was hard for her to get through because she needed to hold back the laughter.  Now, a request:

Dear God,

Whether you be Jesus or Buddha (wait, not a God right?) or the Indian Octo-God, please bring me the full Blooper Reel from the set of The Room for Christmas.  Don't miss a single cut.  I don't care if it's eighteen hours long and I imagine that it is.  I'm totally free this weekend.  Don't screw me on this like you did last Christmas when I was hella good and you didn't bring me photos of Andre the Giant taking a dump.  I mean, come on, you have to imagine that those dumps were so big that Jeff Goldblum would walk by and say "That's a lot of shit."

Don't screw me this year Santa.  Wait, who is this letter to?  I want to see the hijinx that went on during filming of The Room. 

I want to see the entire filming of the Chris-R scene, unedited.
I want to see the final score of the alley football game.
I want to unsee Tommy Wiseau's butt, so can you include some hypnotism footage that will erase that moment from my memory?

I know I've already scene one blooper scene because it was put into the movie.  The "Hi Doggy" scene which was clearly only a one-take scene, but a magical one.  Flesh that shit out to a full two-hour movie like that other Anchorman that they did. 

I haven't gotten enough of The Room, so please bring me more Ghandi.


PS - No seriously, LOVE ME!

I think that should work.  I will share with you when I'm done, but if you come too soon to see my special footage, when you knock on the door the response from me will only be,
"In a minute, bitch."

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Lisa's Not Listening To You

No, it's not the title of my Death Cab for Cutie cover band.  Simply an observation that Lisa doesn't listen to a damn word that anybody says.  Ever. 

Maybe there's something deeper in that.  Maybe its a characterization of Lisa as a person who does what she wants and won't listen to anybody else's opinion because "I'm going to do what I want and that's it."

Of course she follows that line up with "What do you think I should do." 

But think about it. 

She's not listening when Mark tells her "NO!" over and over again as she tries to seduce him on the chair in front of the door.

She's not listening when her mother tells her that she has breast cancer.

She's not listening when Johnny tells her that he didn't get the promotion:
"Did you get the promotion?"
"You didn't get it, did you?" 

God damn it Lisa.  Listen up won't you?  You're seriously tearing me apart. 

Monday, September 19, 2011

Tommy Wiseau to Star in Web-series That Reviews Video Games

I consider this to be one of those ideas that seems amazing on the surface but will ultimately be a disappointment. 

According to what I read in this article from The AV Club, Wiseau will basically play video games and tell you what he thinks about them.  And why should I start doubting the AV Club now?  Or fact.  It seems like its fact. What with a trailer and all.

But The AV Club also gave me doubts because of their mention of the other thing that Tommy Wiseau did that is apparently stupid.  Basically, if you gave Tommy Wiseau a camera and a task, I think it would be very enjoyable to watch.  Give Wiseau the power to be himself and let the magic happen organically.  This sounds like it has writing and direction and that's disappointing unless the writing and direction is coming from Wiseau himself.

Anything with Wiseau is worth giving a shot.  The idea of him playing Resident Evil and trying to understand how to do that and what it means when "My character is no moving.  Why am I no alive anymore?" is amazing.  Then again, what if he's like that kid from The Wizard starring Fred Savage and he's an autistic video game genius?  I think this is just as likely and twice as exciting.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Is Creature Going to be the Next "The Room"?

You can't intentionally make a good bad movie.  You just can't do it.  And I don't challenge you to do it.  Those who attempt to make schlock end up with just that: schlock. 

We don't want your pathetic attempt to be pathetic.  We want a pathetic attempt in which you gave it 100%.  Tommy Wiseau gave his everything to The Room with the belief that he was making a modern classic.  James Nguyen made Birdemic and took it to Sundance or Cannes or some festival like that believing that he would get recognized as an up-and-coming Alfred Hitchcock. 

There are films that attempt to be B-Movies and I like those just fine.  The Grindhouse double-feature attempted to be low-budget and look low budget and it worked because it was funny and two amazing directors poked fun at a wonderful niche genre but they are master directors.  Tommy Wiseau is not, but its his own personal belief in himself that made him a master at being terrible. 

On the other side of the coin is movies like Piranha 3D, My Bloody Valentine 3D, and Shark Night 3D.  Movies that don't pretend to be anything more than they are: Gratuitious blood, sex, and nudity and not anything groundbreaking.  So they are fun movies to watch with or without 3D. 

So in this review of Creature I have to ask myself: Is this a low-budget movie that doesn't care about being anything special and just fails?  Is it boring or is it loaded with unintentional laughs?  I don't think the makers of Troll 2 had any idea that what they were making their actors say was utterly ridiculous and would make an audiences jaw drop like "What?"  Wiseau had no idea what he was doing when he told Lisa to say "What kind of money?"  It just happens.

Will Creature be anything like that?  Is the director (hopefully) that incompetent?  In my life I have only seen 3 bad movies that can truly say they live up to The Room: Tommy Wiseau's masterpiece, Birdemic, and Troll 2.  Nothing else has ever quite been THAT bad and THAT good at the same time.  Others have been suggested but mostly failed to be anything more than sad and forgettable.  Creature looked more like Adam Green's Hatchet to me, a movie I actually like, but now I'm much more interested in seeing Creature to find out what category it really falls into. 

I'm officially giddy.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Huffington Post Waits 8 Years to Write Article on The Room

I know that there are polarizing opinions on the Huffington Post.  For me, it's just fine.  I am not an avid news reader or news watcher and I like to stay free of politics.  So, I won't go there.  What's more important to me than political news is news on The Room.  When can we finally get a 24-hour news channel for Tommy and friends?  A las, we must wait.

Just like we had to wait 8 years for the Huffington Post to write nearly the exact same article I've read at least twenty times so far.  I understand that The Room is still an "underground, cult classic" that many people still haven't heard of.  Allow me to step outside my own brain for a moment and try to get a grasp on the fact that the majority of America is still in the dark about this movie.  But if I'm also allowed to be cynical for a moment; we get it. 

Here's the link

A lot of people go to the midnight screenings.  They throw plastic forks.  There's an only-once-mentioned-moment of breast cancer.  They toss a football four feet from each other.

Holy shit, did I just sabotage my own blog?  Uhhh... ignore everything I just said!  (What do you mean I can just delete that and not post it?  Does not compute.  Internet thoughts must go on.)

Anyways, what this article does have is an interview with Tommy Wiseau.  So please, read it so that you can see that even Tommy is getting sick of this process:

What do you think about the crowd's reaction?

I like everything. Express yourself, don't hurt yourself. Move on next question.

And new gems like this:
"we all experience experiences with people."

We certainly do Tommy.  We certain certainly do.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

The Room, The Book?

Its rare that I get to post news on The Room.  Usually I'm only left with hours and hours of thoughts that seem to have no destination, only a journey into madness.  "Why this?" and "Hai that?"

But today I decided to do a Google News search on Tommy Wiseau and lo and behold I come across news that Greg Sestero, aka Oh-Hai Mark, is planning on writing a book on his experiences making The Room

I never read Lord of the Rings.  I haven't had a chance to catch Moby Dick.  As far as I'm concerned, Jack Kerouac is a person made up by emo girls as an answer to the question "Who is your favorite author?" 

But a book written by Greg Sestero?  Where can I sign up for an early edition?  Do they sell books on Amazon or only DVDs? 

How could anyone not read something written by this handsome devil:

Monday, August 15, 2011

Chocolate: The Symbol of Love or Not?

Whip cream.
Chocolate sauce.
Maybe you throw a banana in there.
I don't know, I haven't seen 9 and a half weeks in awhile. 

What's definitely missing from that list?

Giant chocolates.  Did you know that chocolate is actually not the symbol of love?  I know what you're thinking, "But blogger, of course it is.  I have seen it in movie." Oh hai, Johnny, I didn't see you there.  You're my favorite reader.

I know two things for sure when I'm making out with a girl:
1. I'm conflicted because I know that it's awesome that this girl is making out with me, but I really have to question her ability to make good decisions because she is making out with me.  Is it my birthday?
2. The last thing I want is a giant chocolate shoved down my throat.

This wasn't out of a Whitmans Sampler.  Mike would take about 45 seconds to even finish chewing.  He either really listened to his parents or Danny Tanner when told "chew you food 36 times when eating!" or he was really struggling to finish a chocolate that was easily the size of an infant's fist.

So, the next time you're beginning a love-making session remember not to incorporate baseball-sized foods.  Don't shove two handfuls of Werther's Originals down your partners throat or pants.  Don't splash hot soup in their face.  Do I really need to point these things out?

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

"Where's My Money Denny?" by Chris-R

Chris-R isn't the best rapper.  But he's passionate about it.  Here's the yet-to-be-released Chris-R rap song...

Ha-ha!  Yeah... it's Chris-R here.  The R stands for rapper.  You's about to find out why!

My name is Chris
Don't forget the R
If you owe me money
You ain't gettin' far

When I'm chillin
You can find me on the roof
Reaching for the stars
Not lookin' like a douche

I wear black
As a matter of fact
Black ass tank top
Black ass cap

Yeah its true
I'm always pushin drugs
Buyin, sellin, giving
I don't give a fuck

Now this punk ass kid
He owes me lots of pennies
So I ask you again

Where's my money Denny?
Where's my fuckin' loot!
Where's my money Denny?
You're gonna get the boot!
Where's my money Denny?
I need that cash
Where's my money Denny?
I'll kick your fuckin' ass!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

When is the Name "Chris-R" an Improvement?

When your name is Dan Janjigian.

Dan has been getting janjiggy with it with the Armenian bobsled team apparently.  No, seriously, check this out.

It's hard for me to give 100% confirmation because of Chris-R's (sadly) brief time in the film and because the tough as nails gangster is only seen with a beanie on, but this Dan Janjigian currently resides in Southern California and has a passion for acting. 

Dan is very proud of his Armenian roots and wants to show his pride to the world by terrorizing poor little Denny and having very little patience in that he can't wait 5 minutes for his money.  Dan, just give him 5. 

Too bad he is now in jail.

You can support Dan's website if you'd like. 

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

The Sounds of Oh Hai

In the tune of The Sound of Silence

Oh hai Mark, my old friend
I'm on the roof with you again
Because I am softly weeping
I don't know where Lisa's sleeping
And the secret that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of "Oh Hai"

Is Lisa with another man?
I establish shots of San Fran
Standing in front of this green screen
I toss the football with my team
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of my naked butt
As I strut
And touched the sound of "Oh Hai"

And when my film debut big screen
Ten or so people maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never shared
No one dared
Disturb the sound of "Oh hai"

"Oh hai," said I, "you do not know
Claudette's cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
This tape recorder will repeat you"
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of "Oh Hai"

And the people cried and said
Is Johnny really dead?
And the sign flashed out its warning
As Denny was still mourning
And the sign said "The words of Tommy Wiseau are written on the BART
Oh Hai Mark
And whispered in the sound of "Oh hai!"

Monday, August 1, 2011

Oh Denny, a Poem

Oh Denny, Denny, Denny boy
So sweet and full of wonder
He didn't ask for much in life
A cup of sugar, half stick of butter

Will Johnny adopt him
When he turns eighteen?
Will he graduate college
And marry his queen?
Will he eat a whole apple
Sight unseen?
Will he be loved as a person
As a human bean?

Oh Denny, Denny, Denny boy
You were on a path of destruction
And on that roof, life in danger
They saved you from Chris-Rs abduction

"Gimme five! Gimme five!"
Is all you could shout
"It'll be here, just wait!"
The gun was now out
You were scared for your life
All that was left was to pout
Johnny and Mark to the rescue
He's got a life sentence no doubt

Oh Denny, Denny, Denny boy
What kind of money you got?
What were you doing with the drugs?
Selling or giving them out?

You've got people that love you
And people that care
Please don't run away
And cry in despair
For though Johnny is gone
No one left to compare
I'll still be by your side
And grab onto your hair

Oh Denny, Denny, Denny boy

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Mark: The World's Most Obvlivious Person

In a universe full of oblivious people, Mark stands alone.

The first words said to him in the film are "Hey baby" from Lisa.  He shrugs it off.

Then he comes over and Lisa grinds him, puts on a sexy dress, some music (apparently, they are listening to the soundtrack too), and tells him that she loves him. 

She comes on to him.  He rejects her.

She persists.  He denies.

Mark makes it clear, nothing is going to happen.  Until Lisa pulls out the last trick she has to lure Mark into her clutches.

After he finally pushes her off of him, she responds by by doing nothing.  And then of course, Mark finds her irresistible.  Lisa, you tricky bitch.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Another Viewing

Had another viewing of The Room on Saturday.  I was showing the film with Rifftrax to a couple of friends who had seen the movie but this would introduce them to the awesome Rifftrax done by Mike.  What I came to realize is that it can be too hard to combine drugs and alcohol with The Room and expect to be paying attention past the midway point.

Just choose one or the other: drinking or drugs.

Friday, July 22, 2011

An Interview with Greg Ellery aka Steven aka Peter

During the release of all these Marvel comic book movies, we learned early on that you had to stay past the credits in order to see some more revealed teasers for the upcoming Avengers movie. 

After Iron Man people would say "Hey, did you see Samuel L Jackson?" and then you'd reply "No, what are you talking about?" 

Then maybe you'd go to a theater and sneak into the last 10 minutes of the movie to see what they were talking about or you could just, ya know, find out on the internet.  And sure enough there was Sam Jackson, aka Nick Fury. 

He showed up even after the movie, was not a part of the movie at all, and then was thrown into the mix.  But it was cool because you know, or were told about, why he showed up and he wasn't just thrown to you without any introduction or as if you were supposed to know who he was or what was going on.

That's not the case with the unnamed (but I suppose named in the script) character of Steven.  He just shows up at Johnny's party and famously announces that he's sitting on an atomic bomb.  Since The Room was a slightly less popular movie than Iron Man, there was no way to get answers on what just happened or who the hell this was.  He just showed up.

Thankfully, after The Room became a cult hit, people were obsessed with getting an answer and finally we got one: The psychologist friend Peter quit in the middle of the movie so Tommy Wiseau replaced him with another actor who was "like Peter, but you are Steven" and just spoke Peter's lines instead.


The brilliant guys at Rifftrax, formerly Mystery Science Theater 3000, tracked the actor that played Steven down in 2009 and forced him to answer questions about his time in the POW camp known as The Room.

Here's the link

The more interviews I find from actors and crew on the set, the more of a picture I get of what Tommy and making the movie were like. And the answer is just as confusing as the film itself.  One thing I am starting to believe is that Tommy Wiseau is no Andy Kaufman.  He's probably just as amazingly crazy and slow-witted as Johnny is.  Thank God for that.

Hey, look at how happy these two are to be here:

Greg said in the interview that he's now turned to directing and wouldn't appear in another Room movie if one ever got made.  I just have to say that this interview was 2 years ago and Imdb has no new information on him.  I wonder if his stance would be different now.

Highlight of the article for me:
That included the purchase, not rental, of a brand new film camera, as well as a new $30,000 digital camera to shoot the “making of.” Skeptical of course, Birns and Sawyer looked at Wiseau’s bank account, saw an appropriate amount of numbers in front of the decimal point and figured, What the hell?

I've been reading a lot lately on the idea that Wiseau bought, not rented, the film equipment.  I'm not an expert on film-making but it sounds like the conversation went something like this:
Tommy Wiseau: Oh hai, I need camera for making movie. How is you?
Birns and Sawyer: Hi there.  Great, thanks.  So you need a camera, huh?  What kind?
TW: The kind that you can make movies with.
BS: Well, there's digital and film.
TW: Haha, good story.  Okay, give me both.
BS: Both?
TW: Yes, you said film and digital, I will need them both to make my movie aboouutt this world.
BS: Okay then.  The rental costs are $400 a day.
TW: What is this rental?  Can I give money all at once?
BS: Typically we would just rent this stuff out.  You give us money based on how long you keep the equipment and then give the equipment back.
TW: Hahaha.  You guys are quite comedian.  How can I make movie if I give back to you. 
BS: So you just want to buy this equipment then?
TW: Of course, why would you even ask?  How much?
BS: Umm... Thirty-thousand dollars.
TW: Okay, here is fourty-thousand.  Bye doggie.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Claudette, You Magnificent Bitch

"All men are assholes. Men and women use and abuse each other all the time, there's nothing wrong with it. Marriage has nothing to do with love."

I'm not sure where the inspiration for Claudette came from.  She's pro-Johnny, despite how much shit Lisa talks about him to her.  I suppose she could be the "American mother who disagrees with all of her daughters decisions and just wants her to be financially secure" that Tommy believes about all American mothers. 

Also, she despises the fact that Lisa allows her living room to be a sex den for her friends, but she laughs it off when Mike comes back for "me underwears"

She has fucking breast cancer for God's sake and nobody cares! 

Claudette confuses the hell out of me but I must figure out the rubik's cube that is her soul.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

How Many Years Did Chris-R Serve?

If you're living in the confines of the universe of The Room, then this is what we know:

-Denny had drug dealings with Chris-R.
-We don't know if Denny was "giving them, selling them"
-Denny owed Chris-R money, but Chris-R was in a rush and was unable to wait 5 minutes for the money to arrive.  Though Denny seemed surprised that Chris-R showed up, so how did he arrange for the money to show up in "5 minutes"
-Chris-R carried a concealed gun.  However, it appears the gun is fake, so threating Denny with it and carrying it probably isn't that serious of an issue even though he is using the fake gun in a threatening manner in order to acquire money from Denny.
-Speaking of Denny, if Chris-R is going to jail then Denny should most likely being going down with him.
-Denny is rescued by everybody else in the movie and Mark and Johnny wrestle the gun away from Chris-R (probably not the smartest idea) and take him downstairs.  When they return they assure Denny that Chris-R is going to jail.  Luckily, the police and a judge were standing by downstairs ready to wrap the case up.

In Johnnys universe:
The cops and judge say "Let's go to jail, hahh?" and Chris-R gets a maximum sentence of consecutive life sentences.  Denny gets in no trouble for his involvement for drug dealing, drops the habit quick, and marries Elizabeth.

In the real universe:
There's no real hard evidence against Chris-R and in all likelihood what happened was that Johnny takes Chris-R downstairs and says "Okay, you've been bad.  You need to go to the police station now and turn yourself into prison." and Chris-R walks away confused. 

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

A Poem for Johnny, by Mark

I once had a friend
He filled me with joy
He told me not to worry
He'd laugh like a boy

"Hahaha, good story"
He'd always say
He'd always encourage
Fun football play

I once had a pal
And his name was Johnny
I miss his voice when he'd say
"That's fonny"

A favorite customer
To all shopkeepers in town
He'd buy his future wife
A lovely red gown

Then everything turned
It was all my fault
His future wife seduced me
The wound filled with salt

Things were falling apart
For that best friend of mine
Life full of betrayal
Spoons burned in his mind

He cared about me
About Lisa and Denny
But his job fell apart
Would he lose every penny?

Lisa spread lies that he hit her
Did he get caught?
He'd walk out rambling,
"I did naught, I did naught!"

I couldn't believe it
I slept with his future wife
And all he would ask me is
"How's your sex life?"

I felt so bad
About indiscretions
But then I got angry
Did not learn my lesson

We pushed Johnny down
To a place that was dark
Never again would I hear
"Oh hai Mark!"

Johnny is gone now
The gun was the end
I miss you my buddy,
my pal and my friend

Monday, July 18, 2011

An Interview with Juliette Danielle

Maybe one day I'll be really lucky and get to talk to people who worked on The Room.  Would even really matter if it was Tommy Wiseau or a crew member?  I hardly think so.  Just speaking to a crew member might be even more interesting.  Hearing the point of view of a sane person.

This article could be old, there's no date on it.  I just hadn't seen it before.  From what I've heard Juliette Danielle seems like a normal person.  I don't know if that's disappointing or not, but I guess it's kind of cool.  I know you can be her facebook friend though and she probably is enjoying a little bit of spotlight.

Here's the link!
(Editors note: How do you know when your blog goes unread?  When a link doesn't work and you don't find out until you try it yourself days later)

Some insight
On keeping a straight face:
"Tommy ran a pretty tight ship in that regard."
Tommy was very clearly taking this seriously and wouldn't allow people to make fun of what he thought was a masterpiece.  Now that IS satisfying.  She also points out a quote that few people ever do: "In a few minutes, bitch."  Good call Juliette, that line is more amazing than I had ever realized.

On the hardest scene to film:
"I'm sure most people would think I'd say the love scenes with Tommy, but the roof scene with Denny and Chris R was by FAR the hardest."
This either means that Juliette has no problem getting belly-blasted by a 1960s bodybuilder, or that keeping a straight face during the Chris-R scene was just THAT hard to do.  Either way, I like it.

A revelation I never knew:
"I was originally cast in the role of Michelle. The original Lisa was closer to Johnny's age, but she had a random accent and a personality that didn't seem to fit."
I was aware of all the cast changes but not that she was originally Michelle or did I know any details of the original Lisa.  How amazing would a Lisa with a bad accent have been?

On if Tommy would release a special edition with commentary:
"Sadly, no. I'm not sure Tommy would want to hear what some of the cast would say."
Super :( to hear that, but it's interesting that she implies that Wiseau is self-aware about what the cast and crew think about The Room.  I always assumed that he believed everyone thought it was as good as he thinks it is.  It's what I want to believe, because I want to believe that there is an ignorant bliss out there as special and amazing as that.

On not being able to sit through an entire screening of the midnight shows:
"The nudity bothers me a great deal."
It bothers us too.  But Tommy is a free spirit and he has perfect buttocks.  You mean that nudity right?

On acting again:
"I love acting so much and at some point I would love to do it again. But as I said, I'm a practical girl."
Translation: Who would ever really hire me?  I'm fucking Lisa from The Room, afterall.  That is all due respect to Juliette, but let's be honest.  The best you can hope for is Urkel in Megashark versus Crocosaurus.

Ummm... on letting fans know exactly where to find her?
"I volunteer three days a week at Purrfect Solutions Feline Rescue in Sherman Oaks"

Also, not lookin' too bad:

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Don't Ask Why, Ask Why Not?

I think the most common question people ask about The Room is, "Why do you play football in tuxedos from a few feet away?"

Sure, this is not a common practice.  However, is it the first time in human history that it has happened?  Probably not.

Zakoo Turtle 51 Sawyer Nena

That's probably the first time in human history that sentence has been written.  Now that's an accomplishment.

But how unlikely is it that you'd be at a wedding, the groom and groomsmen are standing around, someone has a football.  We're in tuxes, so how gritty can we really get right now?  Let's just toss it around, talk about life.

It probably was weirder when they threw the ball around in the alley in regular clothes.

The more important question to ask is whether or not we should all be out tossing the football with friends in formal wear.  How often are we really doing fun outdoor activities with loved ones?  We're stuck at the computer, the TV, Netflix, and online video games.

Johnny wants to connect with the people in his life.  They probably just need to be more careful.  Twice playing football within a few feet of each other someone got injured.

And has anyone in human history ever been burned as badly as Peter?  I mean, he got pwned by Denny.  BY DENNY!  "Gee, your clumsy Peter."

I'm thinking this is why Peter probably walked off of the set.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

What about Elizabeth?

Seriously, what about her?

Why couldn't we get any more of Elizabeth, Denny's future future wife?

A woman so amazing, Denny ignores his love of Lisa.  In an instant.

We're all out there, looking for Elizabeth, in this college of life.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Johnny Gives a Life Lesson to Us All

In today's America, we live in stress and fear.  In fear that we'll be jobless, penniless, earthless, and alone.  Is the sun going to burn us away, or will the polar ice caps flood us all into some "waterworld" (a term I just came up with, and in no way has been used before), or will we all be homeless when the social networking bubble bursts in 2012? 

Oh yeah, and then there's 2012.  When Roland Emmerich collapses the earth unto itself and we're left with nothing but more John Cusack movies. 

We live in constant fear of armageddon, carmageddon, and GregAndDarhmageddon. 

Truthfully, this is not a new concept.  If nothing else, we are living in the best age in human civilization.  We combat diseases like never before, we are so rich that we worry when we have to save for two whole weeks for an iPad2(zomg!), and we can play Words with Friends on an airplane.  What more could you ask for? 

But if we didn't have anything to fear, how would the local news stay on the air?  You can only watch stories of cats having a litter of 12 for so long.  (Okay, I would actually watch that news everyday.) 

This constant cycle of fear however encompasses us all.  It's the fear that drives us, but is that fear necessary.  Are we doing too much for tomorrow and not living for today?  Growing up, it was Alfred E Newman's "What me worry?" that was my driving force for living in the now.  Today, it's every American going around saying "Don't worry about it!" 

Johnny's "Don't worry about it!" lets us know that everythings going to be okay.  No matter what is happening with your love life, your job, or the earth, simply "Don't worry about it!"  If you have a not-quite-adopted-half-man-half-child asking you what movie to see, simply let him know that you "Don't plan too much, it may not come out right." 

You're right Johnny, why make any plans at all?  Afterall, they may not come out right.  What if you planned on seeing Transformers 3, but they were sold-out and you had to see Cars 2?  What would you do then and how could you seriously look Denny in the face after you promised him Shia LaBeouf? 

Instead we say, "Don't worry about it."   Worry gets us nothing but lines on our face, and planning gives us nothing but false hope.  If the world does end today, seriously don't worry about it.  It wasn't something we could have, or should have, planned for.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

"I DEFINITELY have breast cancer!"

When I first heard about The Room, I'll never forget what sold me on it. 

I was reading an article (Variety or Entertainment Weekly, I can't recall exactly) that described the "Worst movie ever made."  It was called The Room and there were midnight screenings all the time and it had developed a cult following like nothing since Rocky Horror Picture Show.  I was familiar and in love with bad movies but this one had passed me by, had passed many of us by, for years. 

The writer really hyped it up for being bad and something to behold, comparisons to Troll 2 in terms of level of amazement and all that.  It kept on like this but while I was intrigued, while I definitely would have seen it by then, nothing had quite made me say "Must. See.  Now." 

Not until the writer described a scene in which the mother says "I definitely have breast cancer." and that it was never mentioned before and never mentioned again.  This was the line that sold me on the movie.  This was the line that forced me and my roommate to call 20 video stores before we finally found one (Thank you Amoeba Records) that had it and we could go buy it and watch immediately. 

And so we sat down and watched The Room and were blown away.  What an incredible accidental achievement.  That's all that really needs to be said right now about how amazing the movie is, I think by now its clear I think the movie is "pretty good" 

What really amazed me though is when it hit me afterwards.  I never heard this infamous line, "I definitely have breast cancer."  How could it be?  Was I lied to? 

We watched it again, immediately.  Of course.  Again, we ROFL'd, LOL'd, and LMAO'd.  Literally we LMAO'd.  I have no A anymore.  It is quite depressing.  My perfect Tommy Wiseau A...

Anyways, we missed it.  Again.  Finally, we had to find out exactly when she said it from the interwebs and then go back to that scene and watch intently. 

Waiting for it and then boom, it happens.  Turns out that Claudette DOES definitely have breast cancer.  Unbelievable.  Whether it was because we were laughing too hard to pay attention to every line, I don't know.  But I still believe the real reason we missed it at least twice was because that's how subtle and insignificant that line was presented.  This groundbreaking moment for nearly any mother, child, family, or otherwise was so non-chalantly bandied about for this moment that it not only went right over Lisa's head, it went right over my head too. 

Maybe that's why Lisa shows no concern at all.  Maybe she missed hearing it.  "Did Mom say she had breast cancer?  No, she must have said she loves Ted Danson.  I love Ted Danson too." 

It's funny that this moment hits all of the viewers so hard, and yet for all of the wrong reasons.  We are left stunned, jaws slacked, in disbelief, and for all the wrong reasons.  But does the reason matter as much as the result, if the desired result is achieved?

Touche Mr Wiseau.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

A Promise

I'm more ready now than I was then to do this and do it justice.  So just a promise: A post day for 2 straight weeks AT LEAST!


Where's Denny Now?

I think the question everyone wants to know is where is Denny now? 

No, not Philip Haldiman, the actor who plays Denny.  He apparently works in a bar now?
Which, I think we can all agree, is shocking.  I was sure he'd be off-broadway or in an alley, off of Broadway or Martin Luther King Way. 

But where, is "Denny"!!!! 

Did he marry Elizabeth after he graduated college?  Did he graduate college???  Did Johnny get to adopt Denny when he turned 30?  Did he hook up with Lisa now that Johnny is out of the picture? 

Questions we won't have answered unless....  I think you know where I'm going with this.  Room 2: Denny Where Are You?

I should keep this up.

I started this blog with the intention of keeping it running, but keeping a blog running can be taxing.  I do believe that The Room deserves a blog with weekly updates, and I will try to do that.

I have recently seen The Room with Rifftrax and wow, what a whole new experience that was.  I will definitely have a post on that coming up soon. 

Additionally, I may have to add some Birdemic posts because that "film" makes The Room look like a film without quotation marks.

But if I listen to Johnny I'll know that I should not plan too much, it may not come out right.